What my wife should be

The following are the characteristics of my future wife. Me and my ex-girlfriend came up with these after a long discussion. Haha.

• She should be tall.
• She cannot be too much of a “mess”.
• She must know how to cool me down at any time I flare up all of a sudden.
• We must share some common interests with me, for example, in music – she must be able to sing while I play the guitar.
• She must love driving so that we can take turns on a leisure drive.
• She must know how to make me laugh and must like to laugh.
• She must like to read.
• She must be able to talk a lot about all things, to complement my quiet personality.
• She must be about 6 years younger than me so that we are less likely to have problems trying to bear a normal child.
• She must love to do “it” all the time.
• She must be pretty and cute with a touch of sexy.
• She must be understanding.
• She must be loving.

Is it too much to ask for?

For The First Time – The Script

This song so reminds me of her

My Personality Based on MBTI.

The following was an assignment I did for Psychology to describe myself based on Myers-Brigg Type Indicator. I got an A+ for this.

If anyone were to ask me to describe myself verbally as much as possible, I would spurt out one or two sentences only, followed by a long intense silence. Yes, I expressed myself more confidently and clearly to anyone in writing than verbally. This is evident that I lean more towards the Introversion preference in the first dichotomy of MBTI.

After going through several hours of critical and intense analysis of my past significant events in my life, I have finally affirmed myself with strong conviction that I most likely belong to the INTP category (and this was further ascertained by getting consistent result from taking several MBTI personality tests online. I was making sure my choice was sound and true). And thus also, the reason for my (somewhat unnecessary) need for the critical and intense thinking.

When I was at a very young age, I loved to question, and also to irritate people, the unknown, at least to me, and things which fascinated me a lot. Instead of singing along to “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star”, I interrupted my teacher by raising my right hand energetically to gain her attention, and then I asked, “… Mrs Guna, why does the Little Star twinkle?”. She smiled and answered me this, ”Oh, it’s because there ARE diamonds Muhsen!” ans she continued with the song. What a waste! My family would gain a lifetime of great fortune if I can plucked one of those out of the sky at night. So from then onwards, I inspired to become, not an astronaut, but a rocket engineer. But it did not take me long to realize she might have said this just to shut me up. My next step was to visit the library and did some reading on advanced stuff by myself. I came up with the conclusion that the stars twinkle because they were actually a ball of gaseous light, which constantly inflated and deflated at high speeds. I might had mixed up the facts somewhere because at that time, I did not really know how to read.

This self-initialization of research and analysis of almost anything that captures my curiosity and interests, be it also the paranormal, has been a norm to me ever since. But I am mostly interested on how the universe works. By the age of fourteen, I easily grasped the idea of Relativity and by sixteen, Quantum Mechanics. It was during these times, I have began to distance myself from my friends.

The number of days in a week I would stay back in school to play soccer with them slowly dwindled to none at all. I would prefer to be at home alone and find a creative, mathematical way to unify gravity with the three other fundamental forces of nature. I was known in my senior classes as the “Weird One Sitting At The Corner Of The Classroom Looking Out At The Window All The Time”. Whenever I looked out at the window, I must be thinking about a scientific fact or problem I would struggle to comprehend or solve. But being as awesome friends as they still are, they would not allow me to isolate myself from them that easily. They have the impression that I am actually a very nice person but simply shy. Many other people perceived it as their first impression of me.

I gain spiritual and mental strength if I spent time alone with myself at places I have strong emotional connection to or feel a presence of inspirational aura. It could be at a void deck of a specific residential block at some specific time of the day where anyone would rarely be around. Realization just dawned on me as I wrote this that I understood now why my energy would be drained so quickly in most of the days I worked at a retail store!

“Muhsen, you look handsome today.” My response would be, “Hmm. You mean all this while I was not? And what is it you want from me today?” I think she sincerely meant it and I had one less potential life partner to worry about. Sometimes unknowingly, my brain will automatically trigger into critical or doubtful mode and immediately recognizes the discrepancies in what anyone said about anything. I may be straight-forward but I may not necessarily convey my honest opinions or thoughts even though they are based on facts or logic as it may sometimes sound demeaning, insulting or may cause potential harm to my psychological being. There is no need for me to lie unless a dire situation requires me to do so. If most people often react with severe emotional outcome, sometimes with hostility, simply because they cannot accept the fact about themselves or are not open-minded enough to any principles or ideas, I might as well put those opinions in my head where it belong and be quiet. From an introspective view, this is one of the flaws of an INTP.

I now believe this is the reason why, in my entire life, I have only one serious relationship I value. And it lasted only about half a year. In my experience, girls (whom I come across at least) are turned off by guys like me, who often restrain articulating words to describe their emotions and feelings (and NOT because they are shy). And also guys who are utterly tactless when it comes to emotional support. On all occasions when a girl suddenly breaks down in front of me, I will choose to do one of the following; be still for a bit longer, hoping she will simmer down soon enough, continue with whatever I am doing, or simply walk away (of course, I now know they just need to shed tears on my $125.00 shirt).

I realized I am easily attracted to girls who not only share my profound insight of this world but who are also highly intelligent, like me, emotionally strong, and are able to speak out fluently about their thoughts and ideas all the time. So I did a bit of internet soul-searching and true enough, my ideal partner is an ENTJ. But they are a rare breed (I have a huge crush on Nicole Seah. She seems to have most of the traits of an ENTJ ♥).

I have also discovered that my biggest idol in life, Albert Einstein, is also an INTP! Though I may not be truly creative and ingenious like him due to my upbringing and the environment I am in, I hope to develop a game that will have a deep impact in people’s minds and be famous one day.

A Compulsive Liar I Was

I was reminiscing to the days of my relationships when I was still in my youth. I discovered whenever I officially turned Boyfriend, the compulsive liar who laid dormant in me for many years arised. Well if it was now, the following are a few of the different possible scenarios.

The Double-Shot Espresso Scenario.

“Muhsen, how old are you?”

There was a 2 second hesitation, enough time to do a quick mental calculation in my head before I drew suspicion. “24!”

“Pity, at a young age and your hair is already dropping.”

“Oh… This was due to an illness I was diagnosed a couple of years ago. I think the doctor said I was contracted with some minor cancerous growth in my head somewhere, which kind of blocked the blood vessels, thus preventing normal hair growth. It’s not terminal or something though. The doctor said it’s removable. Ah, I don’t want to talk about it. Makes me despressed. Let’s change topic. What do you think of compulsive liars?”

“Huh? Erm. I don’t like them. Nobody would, right? Why do you ask?

“Nah-thing!”

The National Identity Complex

“You looked foreign Muhsen. Where are you from?”

“Oh, I’m from Hawaii! Ola!”

She looked at me with an intense, doubtful expression!

“Okay, I’m actually from Korea. Or at least I have Korean blood.”

“Really?”

“Yes I’m serious!”

“Oh my god! I might have guessed it. You DO look a bit of Korean.”

“Well, that’s because I am. Haha.”

“Oh my, I always have a thing for Koreans. I watched Korean dramas. I listened to Korean Pop. I LOVE anything Korean! Quick! Speak something Korean!”

“Uhm. Maybe I shouldn’t. I may make you fall in love with me with a simple chant of my Korean spell.”

“I think you probably have.”

Oh no. I need a one-day Crash Course on how to speak Korean!

This Always Work, Boys

“Muhsen, what are you thinking?”

“Oh, I’m thinking about you honey!”

“Aww.” Hugs.

Damn that girl was cute.

Interrupt

“What do you work as?”

“Oh, I settle publications.” More accurately, I settle publications when they arrived at the bookstore and it was my responsibility to display them.

“Sounds interesting. Wha…”

“What about yourself? What do you work as?”

The Fallacy Effect

“The next sentence I’m going to say is true. Well, I lied.”

I can’t possibly have her.

Despite my tough schedule with heavy school work (oh no, I’m complaining again), I will squeezed in some time now to talk about this girl I have had a crush on back in my Poly days.

Actually, I saw her today while I was walking towards school. And she was walking toward my direction. I did recognized her then immediately as I could not just stare at her. People would think me as shallow. But she was all “figure eight” and cat-walking. Wow, I thought. She was one hot bitch.

I turned in to school, walked to my designated design room and looked through its glass doors to search for my project-mate. When suddenly I saw her again. She followed me to school, and to that same room. Wasn’t I suprised. She was waiting for me to tap the sensor so the glass door could open. And so like an idiot, I fumbled to retrieve my Student card, but I was hoping she would take out her own Student card and did a courteous honor of tapping it. Well, she did that and looked annoyed. And then I instinctively noticed how broad and sharp her nose was. It immediately strucked me. I had seen that nose on a pretty face before! Oh my god, isn’t she the girl I had a crush on when we were from the same Poly?

It might have been fate to see her again after so long! She looked taller but it was probably just an illusion as she was putting on high-platform shoes. I kept looking at her when we were in that design room. A lot of things about her ran into my mind and I had trouble focusing on my project I was supposed to present later on. I realized I did not remember her name. Argh!

I saw her again on that fateful afternoon when I was eating a sandwich and she was walking toward the pantry. Oh glass door, I like you so much! She had lost some weight and literally had a figure eight. (That rhymes)

She had lost some weight.

And literally had a figure eight.

I was never too late.

It was all just fate.

She had one of the sexiest buttocks I had ever seen. And what a nice set of firm assets she had there. It had just the right size and shape. At this point, I did not realized I had mentally taken down a lot of details on her and memorised them. Her broad pointy nose to kill anyone who was too near her vicinity. Her nerdy black glasses. her long smooth brunette hair. Her cute smile with a perfect set of white teeth.

Damn, I wonder if I can find her in Facebook. I know she comes from the same Poly as I am and at the moment, the same Uni as I am right now. It wouldn’t be difficult to find her, right?

“There are over 9000 matches.” What?

If I started a conversation with her, it would go something like this.

“Hi, you remember me? I am the guy who had a crush on you when we were in Poly!” Big smile.

She blinked with puzzlement. My heart sank.

“No, not really. Erm. I have a boyfriend.”

“What? I have always thought you were a freaking lesbian. I am proned to fall for lesbians, you know. Which is an unlucky thing for me. But anyway I wasn’t flirting with you! Fine. If you feel threatened, I shall take a few steps away from you and turn around slowly, with my hands up…”

She laughed.

But I can’t possibly get her. She is so HOT. And I am so COOL. I do not think we are a good match.

“Can I draw you?”

“You might as well take a photo of me. Saves you the trouble and TIME.”

“Well, can I take a photo of you then?”

“No!”

“Then maybe, can I draw your nose?”

“Haha. What???”

“No? Okay. How about your hand? I think I love your hand.”

At this moment, she would  have politely asked me to go away or given me that look I had better run away from as fast as I can.

“Are you going to Zouk tonight?”

“No. What makes you think that?”

“Well, you dressed… nice, for a normal day at School.”

“So it’s wrong to dress up like this to school?”

FAIL. Try harder next time.

“No, it just happens that I’m going to watch a movie tonight. And my friend just ditched me. So I was thinking since you are all dressed up for the occasion, I might ask you to watch the movie with me.” Before she had the chance to open her mouth to say something,” I have not asked that question yet though. So don’t jump to conclusion yet.”

“Ok.” She looked away for a moment. Ok? That’s all she can say? Ok?

“Ok, as in OK you want to join me for a movie. Cool! I shall book a ticket now.”

“But, dont’ you have a girlfriend?”

“I HAD many girlfriends, and I broke up with one some time ago. Wha… What kind of question is that? Really? Way to go dude. You have succeeded in getting me to distance myself from you. Well, I’m not going to. In fact, I’m going to annoy you more!” With the biggest smile I can give her.

“What movie are we watching?”

YES!

Sunset

I am a Sunset person. I love Sunsets. I will feel as if I have attained Self-Actualisation ( Maslow’s equivalent of Nirvana but in the sense or domain of This world ) whenever I  witness a Sunset. And it is not everyday that I could practically see the Sun vanishing behind the horizon or the skyline, amidst the dense dark clouds. Not seeing the Sun but clouds during Sunset does not qualify as a Sunset for me. Instead, I will deemed it a sad moment. It hurts me that the Sun has not waved goodbye with its incandescent rays of its light at me  during its last final show of brilliance for the day.

This is the moment I will look forward to all day. If I ever feel down for whatever comes to me on that day, I will try to find a good observing spot, be it whether at the balcony of my own home, at the topmost storey of a high rise building, or simply on an open field with a an unobstructive view, to watch the Sun go down. It then elevates me. It enlightens me. It gives me hope. It makes me happy. It makes me fall in love.

I prefer Sunset to Sunrise. Sunrise do not hold as much power of beauty over me as do Sunset.  It seems ironic. Normally, the symbolisation of a Sunrise would give hope to people. I can’t seem to pinpoint exactly the cause of my feelings for Sunset. Hmm…

My Royal Wedding

It feels like a very good day today. I feel so alive!

And so I will write something today. Three things come to my mind. Cats, weddings and … erm. Hmm… my memory fails me once again.

Anyways, I cannot keep up with writing 1 post a day because school is literally “killing me softly”. I may have whined too much about school for the past several post. So to prevent anymore whining, I will change my resolution to writing one post a week. That will do it.

Cats. I love cats. I saw one which seems to be a unique breed. It was small built, probably just barely reaching adulthood. Its tail was like that of a raccoon’s. And its relatively huge ears reminded me of two halved radar dishes on a leopard. Its fur was as gray as Gandalf’s hat. I have to find out what breed is that? It was so adorable I have to get one. Now! But what perplexed me at that moment was realising that the cat could not have belong to anybody near that vicinity. Where did it come from? Could it actually be a lost cat? It gave a stupefied millisecond look when I approached, ran like a frigtened mouse and stopped to look back if its pursuer was still chasing after it. Poor cat. I had that great urge to capture it and make my home its home. But circumstances had prevented me from doing that.

I had attended two weddings for the past week. “When will it be my turn?” is the ebbing question in my head. Not in at least 5 years from now, says my calculative and cold logical part of my brain. And then an idea, an insight, occured to me. If I were to get married, I would want to live like a King for my wedding day. And of course, my bride, a Queen. Seriously. Plough the traditional wedding ceremony. We don’t need that anymore to celebrate one of our biggest days of our lives.

I will be dressed up like King Arthur. With the Excalibur at my side. Complete with a magnificent gold Crown on my head. My best man would be the Commander of the Kingsguard. And it will be a Royal Wedding set during the Medieval times. When Me and my Queen arrived in a royal Cart, all the guards would bow down until we were seated on our Thrones. I would announce in the Royal court with my Kingly voice to declare that day a public holiday (it would never go official). Ah. The life of a King for just one day would be a.w.e.s.o.m.e.

All that said, I had yet to find someone worthy to be my Queen.

If I have a super-power

… it will be ability not sleep at all. I know this isn’t exactly a super-power to save people’s lives but it would definitely benefit me in acquiring all the time in the world to do all the things I have always wanted to do throughout the day and the night, everyday.

Doing this is frustrating. It is challenging for me to find time and to muster all strength just to put a single entry into this journal each day. THIS entry is arduous.
I had a good run yesterday, but came home exhausted mentally and physically. I turned in early without even doing my homework.

It could be the little part lazy of me contributing to this unfortunate circumstance. I have a lot of things to write about since Sunday, but I have been putting them off due to school work mostly. Ah, yes. School.

I have especially something to write about what happened yesterday. ♥

Another tiring day at school.

I’m soo t i r . . .

Terrible Maths Day – Creative thinking vs Logical Sense

I had a bad maths day today. In effect, I am currently devoid of any enlghtening mood to write about anything now.

The solutions I wrote earlier today to the math problems I had to solve nearly did not make sense to me. I’m drained of mental energy. Using quadratic forms for the equation to find the maximum area of a plot of land for a baffled farmer, I discovered I could not make a short cut which seems logical to me to the right answer. In fact, my “logical” way of solving this problem gave a different answer to the conventional way. But my logical way should have produced the same answer as the conventional way! Argh!!!

I love mathematics but just show me the Magic, not make me a Magician.

Or maybe my brain performance is not up to speed. Or maybe I’m thinking out of the box too much. Which brings me to this food for thought. Can creative thinking defies common sense and in a way makes you less smart? Or, people with too much common sense rarely exhibit creativity. Probably that’s why the goal-oriented Singaporeans totally lacks creativity but the whacky Japanese has full of them.

*Sighs* I can write only this much today…